June 5, 2009

Exciting Updates

Posted in Uncategorized at 8:59 am by rosecarnival

As the title implies, these are exciting updates.

What am I into right now?

Flight of the Conchords (loveeee Jemaine!), Egoraptor Videos, Legend of Zelda games, my new Nano, and my candy pop painted nails.

Oh yeah I had a most exciting swim banquet. I lettered Varsity and my thighs did not look fat in the photo. This season was a win. The photographers who do the photos are a win.

Baby, the Stars Shine Bright, as always. Angelic Pretty, as always. Lolita in general, as always. Alice Deco Coordinates are lovely.

I have exciting new on the topic of the Unspoken Battle  of the Lolita of the Flies.

Firstly, on the name- it’s silly. It’s preposterous. But the name comes from the book Lord of the Flies (but its got Lolita in it for obvious reasons) and the meaning of the Lord of the Flies. It’s roughly translated from the Hebrew name of Beezelbub. The Lord of the Flies is a name for the lord of decay, distraught and general collaspe. The significance of the name has nothing to do with the person it represent, rather more then the situation it represents. When I first was suddently introduced to Miss Sara, she asked what we were doing in English, and the answer was a test on Lord of the Flies. She then replies that “oh, i have read that book. it’s a good symbol for anarchy in human relations.”

But she said it in the way girls do when they are trying to appear smart but you know that they are not.

And then she looked at me and said “oh, you must think I am really dumb, don’t you sweetie?”

And my mind said “Obviously. Stop pretending, dumbass.”

But my voice produced something else. But I won’t go into that.

The Lolita of the Flies name comes from the foremost mentioned event, and the fact that I am a source of decay in the interactions of the two. Not in a bad way, but in a okay way. It makes sense to me. That’s all that matters.

Anyway, onto the Unspoken Battle of the Lolita of the Flies.

Okay, so on Wednesday Cesar and Alejandro left early at lunch. I thought they were going to see Sara, but when I got into class, Cesar was already sitting down. He’s usually late when he goes and talks with her.

And on Friday, Alejandro needed to print his report out so we all went to my newspaper classroom and stayed for the rest of lunch in there. We left when the bell rang and didn’t see Sara. I was like “hellllll yeaaaahh”

And on this Wednesday, again at lunch, Cesar and Alejandro left early. This time, I asked them where they were going, and Cesar replied that he needed to see his counceler to be put into APUSH next year (be in the same class as meeee). I’m cool.

So I walk to Period 6, and then I go by the spot where Sara usually tackles Cesar. She was there, by her class. She waits there every day for him to go by. Like a dog would, my mind thought. And I know that is a bitchy, wicked thing to say. It is a biatchy thing to say. Not just the normal biatch. But black-girl attitude “bia-atch” thing to say. (I told my friend this, and she said basically what I just said, and I am not mad, I know its true that what I said was MMMMMEAAAN)So I go to English, and there they are, talking with Jewena. I join in and it’s all good. And then I thought that he had the chance to go and talk to her but he didn’t.

It brought a smile to my face.

Moments like these bring a smile to my face, and I think for a second that he doesn’t like her, he’s just being nice when he talks to her… but then, why did he write that letter to her? It’s just so confusing. Every-so-often, we long to steal, to the land of what might have been. But that doesn’t soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in.

I don’t i don’t i don’t i don’t want him to like her. I want to tell her not to show he face around here any more. Basically, I want to tell her to fuck off. But that’s not me. The Caitlin I am doesn’t do stuff like that. I wish I had the balls to do so, but I don’t.

On another note, I noticed when I got back from intersession it was really hard to talk to Cesar (probably because a friend of mine just decided to ask him, “oh does caitlin like you?- he said he thinks so by the way). And I thought it was because of the little incident that went down. So I backed off. I totally backed off for a while. But now it seems that we are friends again. But I just can’t shake the feeling that we had a more easygoing relation before Sara showed up. It’s gotten betterm but some parts of it are lost and cannot be replaced.

So my Lord of the Flies represents decay in relations.

So my question is, is Sara the Lord of the Flies, or am I?

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